Black As Waves, Half As Light

Black As Waves, Half As Light (2012)

Experiencing a breakdown shortly after receiving the Kwek Leng Joo Prize of Excellence in Still Photography led me to realize that my anxiety may be something worth exploring in art making. Black As Waves, Half As Light was sparked by a need to properly understand, manage, and if possible, overcome my anxiety; I allow it to be considered a 'condition' because it was (and sometimes still is) taking a toll on my health and personal relations. I decided to embark on a survey of mental illness by inviting individuals, each struggling with their own condition, to partake and contemplate their circumstances. The objective of this collaborative exercise was to come up with a work that encapsulates their experience. Each piece is also accompanied by a written response to a series of questions on their condition and mental illness at large. I too am a participant and have a piece of my own.

In my interactions with the participants, I hoped to address a handful of concerns, in particular developing for myself, a more intuitive way of understanding normality and anomaly without relying too much on and subjecting individuals to a psychiatric classification system and its nomenclature, which I find sometimes to be more of a hindrance than useful in framing the afflicted individual's sense of self, and helping her/him to get to the root of her/his problems. I have also noted that my personal outreach is limited to individuals who have established sufficient control over or distance from their experiences, and mostly tackles the first of three broad ideas commonly placed under the umbrella of mental illness: emotional well-being, cognitive capacity and sanity.

The work was presented as one-third of a group exhibition entitled 'A Crisis of Confidence', funded by the aforementioned prize. Several people raised questions about the aesthetic decision making process as it was evident, in certain pieces, that the participant's sensibilities came to the forefront. That seemed to go against the very idea of an artist's individuality, especially in the context of an exhibition where audiences attend to witness that very authorship. In response to that, I would like to mention that the working relationship with each participant was different; some wanted me to make the decisions while others preferred to have a heavier hand in things. I felt it was important to not impose my ideas too much as I knew this was an important platform for them to express their core being. For an anxious person, it was also good practice in letting go of control, being comfortable with uncertainty and learning to be open to others.

Featured in the following exhibitions:
2015 Festival Made In Asia's Singapore Video Collection, Espace Croix-Baragnon, organized by Institut Francais, the NHB and the NAC of Singapore
2012 A Crisis of Confidence, 2902 Gallery, Singapore, self-organized with the support of the School of Art, Design and Media

GERALDINE KANG